acceptance

i experienced my most up and down in my college years. it taught me different lessons which are learned gradually. and the most well learned lesson i keep from those experiences is the lesson to "forgive and love yourself." it made me realize that loving and forgiving other person is easier that give it to yourself.

there are times in life which we didn't understand, like we didn't even think a glimpse of it, yet it came. it could be good, and sometimes bad. in every situation, it's up to us to act on such things. but then, why we acted differently on what we think and know is right. why did we acted to that situation adversely to our principles and the norms of what is right and wrong. it is a shame that we let ourselves fell down despite having the ways not to fall down. why is it that we are composed of contradictory things, while we are only one being? why can't we just act on the manner our head thinks, or sometimes why can't we do the opposite. with this, who shall be blame? the situation, the people, the fate but neither of them is right. we shall blame ourselves. the ability to discern what is right and wrong is the only gift which made us different from any creations of God. but people seldom use it.

and i'm one of them. why it's so hard to discipline ourselves.

with this, i mostly hate myself for being damn. damn enough to let it happened to me which i know i have the control. but i couldn't let hatred eaten me up. if i let myself hate me, then i wouldn't be capable of loving others. that's why i really struggle to love and accept myself. i want to forgive myself infinitely. as bible says, "forgive your brothers seven times." loving others should be the same as your standard of loving yourself.

ergo, i'm learning to accept the Careen - imperfect and weak. i should love myself despite everything not because of. if i want unconditional love, then i must let myself a witness of it. i need to let it be experience by myself.

careen, i love you for what you are.

i love your insanities, your nastiness, your imperfections, your weakness, your damness, your ugliness, your being bobo, and everything. i love everything in you. i accept who i am and always proud.