Wandering

as i remembered, i am a planner person. during college years, i already know what will happen in my life after graduation. i posted it on my wall, read it everyday, and think of it. according kasi sa nabasa kong book, if you write your goals, read it and think it over and over, it will soon become true. kaso lang as my college days progressed, i failed to do the ritual because of the busy days. i promised my self during those days that i will rest a year, communicate within me, know which way to go, decipher what i really wanted in this world and be a better person, daughter for my GOD. then it is happening right now. what differ is that yes i am resting but for a nothing purpose. i am not doing what am i suppose to do. i'm vacant, i'm empty. everyday, all i accomplished is making the house clean, watch television and that's it.


gusto kong mag-aral ulit that's for sure. ang hindi ko alam what would be that something i wanted to pursue. before i wanted to be a lawyer because of the prestige i will be having, then an ambassador because of the immunities i would get, then now, i fell in love to my country i wanted to take a masteral regarding philippines and travel in each 7, 107 islands (tama ba), of course i really wanted to pusue my dream of becoming the real daughter of AMANG SQOPQUZ.


last few days, i really had some questions in my mind after i attended the reverend's meeting. ang sabi kasi ni Kap. Pedro, "natanggap at nakikilala ba natin ang AMA dahil sa naramdaman natin Sya at buong puso nating alam na Sya na nga, o dahil sa pinakilala lamang Sya sa atin ni Kap. Lualhati o ng ibang kapatiran..." tumimo yun sa isip ko. totoo nga bang mahal ko ang AMA dahil mahal ko Sya; hindi dahil eto na kasi ang nakamulatan kong relihiyon?

madaming tanong. kea ang buhay ko walang direksyon. gusto ko kasing maramdaman ang presensya ng AMA tulad ng pagkakalarawan sa Kaniya ni Tita Ema, Tatay, Itay at iba pa. ang sagot naman ng isip ko, hindi pa ako ganung kapuro upang makadaupang palad nga Sya. tungkol naman sa unang tanong, yes i love Him. may mga pagkakataon na ko dati na mgpunta sa iba't ibang religion, but i did feel something wrong. hindi natahimik ang puso ko tulad ng payapang pakiramdam ng nasa AMA ako.


maybe, so maybe naiingit lang ako. i know mahal ko Sya but im not showing it in words, actions, and me being me as myself. i admit, natatakot akong magkamali, mapulaan, mahusgahan. but then, sabi nga we have to make out of the best of the profit given to us.

some are minor issues. i have to address my spiritual clamor, and if i arranged it, i believe everything will be okay.

i know what to do. i have to seize the day. carpie diem! these moments of wandering will be turned into moment of knowing, of result. i will read the bible, articles, and other stuffs. i will make my self stronger in loving and believing Him..

sana nga magawa ko ito. i will!