thankful!

before the day i have to celebrate my being hanging on july 19, i received a call. that call changed everything. i was called by my previous employer to offer me a job as media relations officer for the office of sen. aft. i felt excited at the same time nervous for i know i have shortcomings for the job. on monday, i and ms. lynette met, without my knowledge that i would be meeting sen. aft at camp crame. i am really amazed by that experience. idol ko kasi yun eh. never did i thought i would work for this, principled and brave man.

after the meeting, i went to senate to meet his staffs. the ambiance is very light. everyone is smiling and welcoming. i'm already working there for two weeks and now looking forward more more weeks, months, and years to come. ^^

everyday, going to work, i feel nervous, nervous for i don't believe in my self. most of the time i got confused to little things like simple spellings, grammar, photo copying, printing, faxing, etc. OMG! i really wanted to prove to them that i deserve the position i have, that i'm not there because i was just recommended, but because i worked for it, i dreamed of it, and i want it badly.

just last thursday, we celebrated our 3rd anniversary, and i'm very pleased that i was able to be part of the happy family sen. aft have. we ate, we laughed, we hugged, we kissed.

AMANG SQOPQUZ, thank you for all the blessings you showered me. please help me to be competent to the blessing you have given me. to your Glory, thank you and i love you! make me an instrument to spread your words, your light.

eligibility

Thank you AMA for letting me pass the civil service exam. im now eligible. well i really dont know what impact it would do to at this moment because government job opportunities is sort of mailap.

yesterday, we tried to walk-in in government agencies, embassies, and private institutions in makati. kapagod as in but then still happy kasi im with my friends-wil, lucila, and jess.

today, i just followed up my status in my previous applications. response: "reorganizing pa po kami so please dont expect much." okay.

tomorrow, i'll try sa law firm na pinapasukan ni bhenmar. hoping for employment. ^^

friends

i was backed again yesterday when we had our exam for a job opportunity. i saw larry, faith and other bpags, then poleco. well, im happy tlga coz finally i had someone i could talk to. we shared same depressions, anxieties, and thoughts. akala ko ako lang, un pala madmi din kami.

at first, ayokong tanggapin ung work because it's just half the pay i get before but then listening to larry, "maganda na ung nkapagsimula ka". so i went back this morning, we were endorsed at bdo so we went there.

the interview is quite bad. asar tlga! pinagduduldulan nya na polscie kmi and we are not qualified to be accepted for the position of office staff support. heller! polscie students are equipped with basic skills and clerical works are basic-encoding, documentation, processing, answering phone calls, etc. db? we are not less than anybody else who took other courses!

anyway, i think it's a blessing in disguise. why? because there are rumors that bdo are late when it comes to giving salary for their employees, not only that, khit mgovertime ka kuripot sla mgdagdag ng bayad. so aun...

i thought pguwi ko khit papano gagaan na ang pkiramdam ko. i opened fb, there i saw rachael's status- i got awesome friends. i felt alone. sana mgkaron ako ng friends n katulad ng sa kanya. my friends today are out of touch, ung mga ineexpect ko namn, di namn pala ganun ang turing sakin. i am sincere and genuine sa mga nagiging kaibigan ko, however, after some separation moments, nkakalimutan n nla ako. bkit nga ba ko malulungkot, eh ganun tlga ang buhay. naalala ko tuloy ung quote about sa sand, when you put those sands in your hand, if you hold them tightly, mawawala ung iba, kapag naman niluwagan m, ganun din, but at the end of the day, meron paring sands na matitira sa palm mo at those are your genuine friends. i hope i still have my genuine friends.

ang ako

bkit ganun, everyday namn pinaglalabanan ko ung pinagdadaanan kong depression, eh, pero bkit parang lalo lng tumitindi yung nararamdaman ko....

sobrang nasaktan ako ng hindi man lang ko niyaya ni ginette sa 18th birthday nya. i saw her beautiful pictures with rachael, kua fidel, razelle and others. yes, nag expect ako na maiinvite ako sa debut nya. parang bkit ganun, i'm really out of her life na ba tlaga? pinagsisiksikan ko na lang siguro ang sarili ko. ang point ko lng namn, nging magkaibigan kmi. mdami ndin kaming pinagsamahan, sa sod trainings, parehas namn nirepresent and cefp sa univ debate, sa pss, dati ako ung pres, xa na ngaun, kc i chose her khit na madming ngdoubt at nagalit sa ginawa ko, pinaglaban ko kc naniniwala ko sa kanya. kso ung simpleng ate careen kamusta na po, eto na po ung pss,.... oo me ganun pero ung sa kanya manggagaling wla eh. mgtetext lng pag me kailangan, then pg nasabi m na ung sagot, nagawa m na ung favor, wla na. gnun nlng ba talga kadali kalimutan ung sacrifice na ginawa m. alam ko namn na hindi nla un utang na loob pero sana ung mere acts of friendship kso wla.

nasaktan lng ako kc mas gusto nila si rachael. wla naman tlga akong panglaban sa kanya. di naman sa kinukumpara ko sarili ko because obviously im less.. buti pa xa pg nagalit xa, ngsosorry agad un mga friends nya, sa sod lgi syang inaupdate, smantlang ako wla.

haizt. cge na. ako ng wlang kaibigan. ako ng talunan. ako ng walng patutunguhan.

i have to accept my place in every persons' life. for them-i'm careen na wla lng. as in ngkataon lng na magkaibigan tau dis moment of time kc sod o pss member ka, we share same aspirations for these organizations, and syempre me mpapakinabangan namn kmi sayo. pero ung pipiliin tlga naming mging kaibigan ka, i dont think so. now you graduated, it means you're out of our life. bakit? ano pa ba ang worth m samin? wla!

yes now i know. now i learned. bkit ba kailangan always the hard and painful process pa ng learning.. slamat nlng. wla nman akong mgagawa kundi i-accept na ganun nga ang tunay nyong treatment sakin. anyways, still thank you!

random thoughts

yesterday, i was given an opportunity na gumanap ng isa sa mga gawain ng isang reverend and that's pagseseremonya every sunday. tatay asked me to do it whenever kapatid santiago and him is not around.

that time, i feel the happiness, peace within me. this is my long time dream. i feel like i'm alive again. now i know the answers to my questions. thank you!

sseayp, i was not chosen to be part of it. i feel rejected coupled by the last week's rejections in our attempt to be employed in the government. we went to malacanang-pms and office of the president hr. they are looking for our eligibility which is as of now pending. tpos naabutan kmi ng lunch time so we waited for the dbm hr to resume. what we got is we don't have vacancy and you don't have eligibility.

we moved to the center of manila. dot has no vacancy, then goodly our cv is accepted in pta. then we walked to un street. we stooped at who na medyo masungit ang guard. inabot lng namin yung cv sa window and that's it. when i asked when to update, he said tawagan nlng kau. fine! then to ca, sir francis the hr secretary told us the selection process. for 2 vacancies for the position of clerk, 30 are competing for it. first, you have to have the eligibility, then you are going to have an exam prepared by the ca, finally the board will select among them. the least salary for a government employee is 8,000 per month. we went to doj. we had a surprising experience there. out of nowhere, getting our way to hr, a not so old man called us and interviewed us. out of my knowledge, he was the chief of information division. he said that he wanted to have us but we don't have the eligibility yet, he added that we should drop there any time soon as soon as we have the result. after doj is sc. since my tita was there and itay also worked there, i wanted to follow their foot steps but i feel i wont make it. then we tried at nbi, i really like the guy there when he told us " that's next to impossible! we only hire cpa and lawyers here." then we went home with sor of low spirits and dreams wrecked.

i don't want to buried my self of loneliness, depression, anxieties and all sorts. i'm still trying to have high hopes.

i just wanted to release this. i feel unaccepted which is the most painful part. may tampo talga ko sa mga officers ng pss especially ginette. she does not answering my texts, my messages. parang bkit ganun, im offering help but you are telling me na hindi namin kailangan. im offering concern tpos you're telling me, no thank you. im really attached to the organization. sometimes, when she texted me asking for something, although i don't have a load, i will do just to reply to her. pero pag ako simpleng kamusta lng wla. anyways ganun tlga siguro. i'm trying to understand, syempre bka madmi din tlga silang ginagawa na hindi na talaga masisingit ang a minute of kamustahan. fine. fine. fine....

yes! i need a company to talk to, friend to share with. gusto ko tlga silang makita ulit especially the pgs. i never feel this kind of vulnerability before. aizt....

but im planning again. hehe... never say die!

i would be getting a masteral for philippine studies at upd this 2nd semester. but i feel anxious about it. ewan ko ba. help!!!

bhala na tlga. i wanted to get law din. isa isa lng. hehe..

AMA please help!

Wandering

as i remembered, i am a planner person. during college years, i already know what will happen in my life after graduation. i posted it on my wall, read it everyday, and think of it. according kasi sa nabasa kong book, if you write your goals, read it and think it over and over, it will soon become true. kaso lang as my college days progressed, i failed to do the ritual because of the busy days. i promised my self during those days that i will rest a year, communicate within me, know which way to go, decipher what i really wanted in this world and be a better person, daughter for my GOD. then it is happening right now. what differ is that yes i am resting but for a nothing purpose. i am not doing what am i suppose to do. i'm vacant, i'm empty. everyday, all i accomplished is making the house clean, watch television and that's it.


gusto kong mag-aral ulit that's for sure. ang hindi ko alam what would be that something i wanted to pursue. before i wanted to be a lawyer because of the prestige i will be having, then an ambassador because of the immunities i would get, then now, i fell in love to my country i wanted to take a masteral regarding philippines and travel in each 7, 107 islands (tama ba), of course i really wanted to pusue my dream of becoming the real daughter of AMANG SQOPQUZ.


last few days, i really had some questions in my mind after i attended the reverend's meeting. ang sabi kasi ni Kap. Pedro, "natanggap at nakikilala ba natin ang AMA dahil sa naramdaman natin Sya at buong puso nating alam na Sya na nga, o dahil sa pinakilala lamang Sya sa atin ni Kap. Lualhati o ng ibang kapatiran..." tumimo yun sa isip ko. totoo nga bang mahal ko ang AMA dahil mahal ko Sya; hindi dahil eto na kasi ang nakamulatan kong relihiyon?

madaming tanong. kea ang buhay ko walang direksyon. gusto ko kasing maramdaman ang presensya ng AMA tulad ng pagkakalarawan sa Kaniya ni Tita Ema, Tatay, Itay at iba pa. ang sagot naman ng isip ko, hindi pa ako ganung kapuro upang makadaupang palad nga Sya. tungkol naman sa unang tanong, yes i love Him. may mga pagkakataon na ko dati na mgpunta sa iba't ibang religion, but i did feel something wrong. hindi natahimik ang puso ko tulad ng payapang pakiramdam ng nasa AMA ako.


maybe, so maybe naiingit lang ako. i know mahal ko Sya but im not showing it in words, actions, and me being me as myself. i admit, natatakot akong magkamali, mapulaan, mahusgahan. but then, sabi nga we have to make out of the best of the profit given to us.

some are minor issues. i have to address my spiritual clamor, and if i arranged it, i believe everything will be okay.

i know what to do. i have to seize the day. carpie diem! these moments of wandering will be turned into moment of knowing, of result. i will read the bible, articles, and other stuffs. i will make my self stronger in loving and believing Him..

sana nga magawa ko ito. i will!

bakit?

going to office this day, i gave my salary for my father, 5k for the church and 5k for his project, then we found out that 1k for his project was lost. i am really shattered. takte!! bkit!! dun ko lng nilagay yun, cnong kumuha?!!!


sobrang depressing kasi. hindi naman un para sakin, para yun sa pagtulong ko tapos ganun pa. my first 2 salaries were not spent for my self alone, but i gave it to my loved ones and my Priority. then why? it's so unfair tlaga.

ewan ko ba. kung anu-ano naiisip ko ngayon. cguro nagtatampo sakin ang AMA. naipangako ko kasi magbibigay ako ng 10 k sa church sa unang sweldo ko. ang nangyari kasi my first salary was spent for my graduation. tpos siguro karma- kamuntikan n kong grumaduate sa taxi. buti nlang 2 minutes before the ceremony starts, nasa word trade center nako. tpos ngayon kasi, i halved the 10k promise. 5k for my father, because i also promise that i would help him for his project in cagayan, so 5k nalng matitira for the church. kulang ng another 5k. kea siguro nwalan ako ng 1k for my father's project. haay. nakakaiyak talaga. pede po bang intindihin muna AMA. haay.....


may tatlo akong suspect eh-c nanay, c carla-kapatid ko, c ate ruby-kamag-anak namin na tagalinis ng bahay. syempre ang nanay ko hindi nya yun gagawin sakin, sa dami ng pera nun. so dalawa nalang, c carla at ate ruby. hindi naman kasi naka-lock ang kwarto ko at yung pera nilagay ko lang dun sa gilid ng cabinet ko.

c carla: 1. labas - pasok sa kwarto ko; 2. galit un sakin eh, ksi dapt sbay kaming pupuntang mindoro for our reunion pero di na natuloy kasi nahiya na ko magpaalam dito sa office; 3. madami na syang history ng pangunguha ng pera sa bahay, mostly si nanay ang biktima. kahit kitang-kita na, never naman syang umamin.

c ate ruby:1. labas-pasok din sya sa kwarto ko, syempre nililinis nya un; 2. tinanong ko sya sabi nya never daw sya naglinis dun, pero nung inulit ko ung tanong-nagwawalis lang daw sya at hindi nya pinupunasan ang mga bagay-bagay sa kwarto ko. (bakit kelangan nyang mag-deny na naglinis sya when i first asked her, and kapag ba walis lang ginawa mo, would that free you from getting money to my cabinet...); 3. nasa gipit sila ngayon. suppose to be going to abroad sya to work but it was found out that she was pregnant, she does not have any other work than to be our helpy.

ayun. pinagdasal ko nalng ang mga bagay-bagay. nakakadepress.... haay..........

goals/wish list

It's really hard to anticipate something on which you're not sure of. I'm hoping that by the end of this month, i would be able to know: 1. whether or not i'll continue my job here, whether i'll be absorbed or given some other works to do. 2. praying to pass my panel interview for sseayp at the 26ht of may. really hoping to be part of it.

i wish to have a vacation grande for this month. actually i initiated to have our first time ever vacation with the whole family at cagayan but i was not able to come due to work which made me really gloomy. then the mindoro reunion is also missed. the only thing that happened was our reunion in my mother side at the club house which is very near to us. im still hoping to have that dream vacation because that's is a gift for my hardworks during college days. oh god please give it to me!

right now, im really at thinking mode on how will i have a financially stable life. i have big plans and i need big money. when i was given the opportunity to work here, they said im fortunate because of my salary and the nature of work however, unfortunately the salary is spent already and i have zero savings. but im happy because i was given a chance to give something for my loved ones and my Priority. it just made me realize that 20k is not enough for me, for my needs or i should have managed it well. parang pup, its not the budget but the misallocation of budget. hehe..


un lng naman. ^^

the fruitful four years

i'm really scared to express my self to people, i oftentimes feel inferior to others that's why im not using facebook's notes and i'm not sharing my blog's account.

last may 14, 2010, we were appertained as graduates of batch 2010 of the polytechnic university of the philippines. i know its not yet too late to express my thoughts about our graduation, my gratitude to the people who helped me to have what i have right now and to reminisce all the memories i had during college years.

how many times did i regret entering pup, how many times i asked my parents to transfer me to other schools, how many times did i belittle pup and say "sa pup lang".

first year at pup is not that smooth. this was the time i am really wandering, no focus in life, doubting the future and have many confusions in my self. im a stranger in this big world. in my quest of finding what is important- i found a mistake that changed my life. it was hard to accept that i fell to his dirty tactics, i really had a hard time learning to forgive my self.

im really an enthusiast of being an army girl. i love everything about it. on the second semester of my 1st year, i decided to become an officer. i cut my long hair into 2 by 3 whitout any hesitations. i dedicated my time being a plebo. however, getting into my dream is really draining. i have to overcome physical challenges, which i really can't do. many was schocked. i think i had mistaken their first impression on me. my parents intervened and gave me this:" mag-ooficer ka o mag-aaral ka?." i chose the latter, i quit and got back to my academics.

2nd year is like my first year. i still don't know what to do, where to belong, what will make me excellent. i joined the delta pi omicron sorority even though i know the consequences ahead of me.

the happiest moment of second year was when i became the best debater of our sophomore debate challenge. from that, i started to work hard to master the craft of debating.

third year came, this was i think the opening of opportunities for me. i was asked to be the vp-external of pss, which i said yes right away. from then on, i found not only the answer of where i belong, but it gave me a direction, friends and a best friend-ate jeza. she's the first one who believed in me, the only one that said "kaya mo yan!". ate jeza is the only person who genuinely believed i can.

you know who, opened up doors for us. sometimes, pakiramdam ko mahilig lang tlaga syang mag-power trip. i became an ousted speaker of the house, kamuntikan pa kaming mag-kasamaan ng loob ni chael but everything is okay. first time ko ding umiyak in crowd of people because of kuya emil. daming drama pag parl-pro. anyways, you know who, thought me the reality of politics until fourth year, though he's not my prof anymore.

i also exprerienced the the 7th nyp, badap... it was my first time to attend a conference like that. i met youth leaders from different sectors of the society and became friends with them. syempre, mawawala ba dito ung pagbantaan ako ni kenedy, in response i tried to blotter him which is thankfully unsuccessful.

yes, panu ko rin ba kakalimutan ang isa pang pagkakamali, ang hirap talgang matuto. haay. i hope i was forgiven.

at oo, naging kaaway ko din ang mga red people. i became the campaign manager of cefp. dahil naging sobrang bibo ako sa kilos, i was hated nung hindi ako masyadong nag-painvolve when i became the pss president in fourth year.

fourth year, new challenges, new stresses. pss-i became the president of pss 2009-2010. dito ko naranasan lahat ng turmoil of leadership. some people tried to bring me down, ewan ko ba. thankful tlaga ako kay erika whose my secretary for not leaving my side and my other officers as well. kay sir elmer din na adviser namin, at first i thought he did not care for us, but when the biggest problem came, he stood at our side. thank you!

siguro nga wla tlaga akong utang na loob. im sorry po. im just following what my objectives are. ayoko lang po ng nagagamit at nagpapagamit lalong-lalu na kapag mahal ko na ang nasasangkalan. i love pss so much.

natupad ko din ang pangarap ko na marepresent ang college sa university week. thank you sa sod family, ang pangalawa kong pamilya lalo na kay rachael na talagang nag-tyagang i-train kami. you never let us feel na kulang ang kakayanan namin, you never let us feel na inferior kami. thank you!

mawawala ba ang barkadahang pgs. i admit, may mga tampo ako but then, ganun lang yun, im still your friend and you are my friends. thanks kay lucila, na simula first year, andyan sa tabi ko. walang kalimutan huh. love you!

sa wakas, jess-thanks po. pasensya na sa mga mood swings ko. naiinis ksi ako pag nkikita kita, parang naglilihi lang. hehe.. higit sa lahat, sa pagtanggap mo sakin. im trying to change para satin. please dont feel na kulang ka for me, me topak lang tlaga ko madalas, promise magiging minsan na ang madalas. love you po. ^^

sa pamilya ko, kay nanay na pinagkalat na cum laude ako, sensya napo ah minalas kay sir pinalas. kay tatay na laging cool at laging handang magbigay ng mga payo, kay carla na weird. hehe. tpusin m ang 5 years stay m sa pup with your accountancy. kay aya na laging proud sakin, thanks aya, mahaba pa ang pagdadaanan m, andito lng kami. bku ka tlaga! haha!!

AMANG SQOPQUZ, maraming salamat po sa pagpapala at pamamatnubay sa akin. salamat po sa laging pagpapatawad sa mga kasalanan ko at pagtanggap Nyo sakin bilang anak. mahal na mahal ko po Kayo. tulungan po ninyo ako magbago para sa Inyo.


p.s. kay ate abby din, salamat dahil sayo di ako nakasama sa mga vacation trips ko this summer, haha!! kapalit naman ay perang nwala nalng ng di ko namamalayan. thank you for introducing me to the work force. ^^

sa lahat maraming maraming salamat!

pup-tunay kang pinagpala. hindi hindi ako makakalimot sa inang umaruga sa akin ng apat na taon.
sa mga aktibista sa sintang paaralan, baguhin ng konti ang style, its good to identify the problems but it would be better to offer a solution. ^^

Undivided Self

September will always be the busiest month I have.

First, I have to attend in extensive debate training in preparation for the Sep 18 and 19 University Debate Championship.

CEFP team is compose of: Ginette Lopez- PM and DLO from BPS 2-1 which is also the PSS 2nd year rep.; Jezza Lizette Lizano-LO from BPS 3-2 which is also a CEFP Councilor; and yours truly-Whip.

I knew very well these people and they are really close to me. We have been through tedious trainings since the 1st week of September. We go to school just to train and went home late. We had overnight last week in Imperial Palace-which my Demosthenes team won and thanks to them they contributed it to SOD. Then, just last night we had it in our house.

I am now having more and more excitement and hope to win and finally finish this adventure I may say. Please AMA help us!

With this, I compromise lots of things. First, the PSS. I am always having hard life being a President of such organization compose of people who always think they are the most intelligent human being, who always just part of the problem, who always criticize and that's it. Thankfully there are those who stay supportive and optimistic with my leadership. Thanks to them for keeping me alive. Hehe...
Now, I can't focus on the thigns I have to do. Just like now the COSOA is trying to take advantage over us.

My academics which is my life and my very existence. I am no longer have time to review my cases and oh which worried me so badly because tomorrow is our mock bar. The sign which will be my determinant if i will continue my law dreams. another is our thesis, OMG!! we have to revise chapter 1-3. Thanks to Pravis for being there checking our thesis.

Other opportunities which i set aside for this University debate. Democracy Camp, I was suppose to be the representative of PUP which paid everything for the said camp. however i can' be, the date of 16-19 is very important for the Univ. Debate.

my friends who complain that i have no time for them...

my family who also complain for my late arrival at home, of my non staying at home, of course of my allowance that should be 3 days only.

my boyfriend.... anyways he understand... smile... hehe...

my self, i know i have to have rest, i feel discomfort with my body, im no longer feeling well.

and most importantly, AMANG SQOPQUZ. i have to still be good daughter despite those stress and unlikely people around me...

i just need to focus on debate. then i'll be normal again after next week. excited!!

purple wedding theme..

bkit kea q ganto...

im surfing the net to look for wedding gowns, theme, cakes, etc..

it's too early for this...

sb nga ng utak ko bhala dw akong umasa...

heheh...

acceptance

i experienced my most up and down in my college years. it taught me different lessons which are learned gradually. and the most well learned lesson i keep from those experiences is the lesson to "forgive and love yourself." it made me realize that loving and forgiving other person is easier that give it to yourself.

there are times in life which we didn't understand, like we didn't even think a glimpse of it, yet it came. it could be good, and sometimes bad. in every situation, it's up to us to act on such things. but then, why we acted differently on what we think and know is right. why did we acted to that situation adversely to our principles and the norms of what is right and wrong. it is a shame that we let ourselves fell down despite having the ways not to fall down. why is it that we are composed of contradictory things, while we are only one being? why can't we just act on the manner our head thinks, or sometimes why can't we do the opposite. with this, who shall be blame? the situation, the people, the fate but neither of them is right. we shall blame ourselves. the ability to discern what is right and wrong is the only gift which made us different from any creations of God. but people seldom use it.

and i'm one of them. why it's so hard to discipline ourselves.

with this, i mostly hate myself for being damn. damn enough to let it happened to me which i know i have the control. but i couldn't let hatred eaten me up. if i let myself hate me, then i wouldn't be capable of loving others. that's why i really struggle to love and accept myself. i want to forgive myself infinitely. as bible says, "forgive your brothers seven times." loving others should be the same as your standard of loving yourself.

ergo, i'm learning to accept the Careen - imperfect and weak. i should love myself despite everything not because of. if i want unconditional love, then i must let myself a witness of it. i need to let it be experience by myself.

careen, i love you for what you are.

i love your insanities, your nastiness, your imperfections, your weakness, your damness, your ugliness, your being bobo, and everything. i love everything in you. i accept who i am and always proud.

Twilight saga..

REVIEWS: TWILIGHT SAGA

I decided to make reviews on the favorite books I read. Well actually I was planning to start it with the Twilight Saga-authored by Stephenie Meyer. I would like to have the complete background, information, and essentials I needed. It would not be a typical review, I mean….

Of course, I would be really happy to have the complete collection of John Grisham’s book. I’m really fascinated to him. He would always be my number 1.

Then, since I have Harry Potter’s series in my e-book I also plan to have such. Though, I’m really late this time, however, I believe JK will never be out of time.

So what exactly I’m planning?

Hmmm,,,, quotable quotes could be, but I know it would be kind of hard, since I have to verge deeply on the lines and be alerted every time I find one. Ah,,,, its quite an agony. Hehe,,,,

So would that mean I have to read it again, oh no… I believe I don’t have the luxury of time… but I wanted it. Oh! My mind is having a debate, the lazy and practical versus the hardworking and ideal. Which to choose would be in accordance of my mood.. hehe…

Okay, focus now…

TWILIGHT

It hits the world like a hurricane.. Every body is addicted to it, everyone knows it, and if you are not, then pity for you.

Twilight is about a romance on the fiction set-up but on non-fiction emotions for human senses. Scream out the name of Edward Cullen and Isabella Swan, Bella for short.

It’s a rare love story for it emerged between the love of a human and a vampire-an exquisite scene that a whimsical reality would only bring.

Bella a newbie to school came from the sunny ordinary Phoenix to the dump, and rainy, and bewilder Forks. Her parents were separated, her mom-Renee with her new husband-Philip. Her dad, Charlie lives alone with his honorable work as cop.

Being new in school would be tantamount of having the attention of every one, except for the Cullens-who are known for being snob.

It is in her dreams and mind that something intrigues her with the Cullens, most specially with that of Edward.

She had friends and suitors as well.

One vivid, unpredictable accident happened. Edward saved Bella from the cry of death. On hows and whys, she didn’t know. Unknowingly, she didn’t think that event would draw them closer to each other. In an improbable way, secrets are opened. Conversations happened.

Until such time that irrationality eaten them up, until love conspicuously bonded them-they, have fallen in love with each other.

Times, consequences trial and put them into tests. However, even death would not let them go. The riskier the better.

Vampires who prey in human are inevitable for them to be carefree and eat Bella. But Carlisle-the doctor and the original vampire among them all change their diet and became successful of it. It’s a temptation that a rigid and tedious discipline one could only bear it. For us, it is an inevitable sin to be avoided.

Bella, was accepted by the family, at first its hard but eventually she is loved by them.

One day, Bella was invited to be with the Cullens to hunt. Along their way, they met one of their kinds. With Bella’s sweet scent, James wanted her badly.

Because of this, Bella’s life was in danger. Things happened fast, though they tried to protect her, they lost. Bella was tricked by James and got her. However, love and happy ending always find her way, she was saved by Edward.

With that, an option came, Bella wanted to be a vampire.

Maybe, that’s how love goes, you would sacrifice everything, even your soul, just for love…

I wish I would be able to feel such things,,, hehe..

Ah, no I don’t think so.. I don’t want to lose my rationality!!

NEW MOON

Bella insisted to become a vampire, which Edward don’t want her to be.. he loves her as human, thought humanness makes her weak, he’ll be her strength. Though, it could make her old, his eyes would see through her youthfulness…

These things, make Edward left Bella. He felt that he do not deserve Bella losing her soul for him,

At first, Edward thought that it would make it better, let’s see if he’s right.

Bella, became nowhere. It would come a time that she was a living dead. Thanks Jacob, her friend he met in La Push. Jacob was showy of Bella about her feelings. Though she wanted to try, she could not fort the attachment Edward had made, keeps her holding on.

Crazy for Edward’s return, Bella got into the woods. Then suddenly, Laurent-the vampire whom they met with James saw Bella. He told her that Victoria-Jame’s mate hunts her.

With trembling legs, cloudy minds, she wasn’t able to run. Then, here came the big, monster-like wolves. They saved her form getting eaten of Laurent. She saw one of the wolves eyes, that made her remind of someone-Jacob.

Then, after that abrupt lost of contact from Jacob, he decided to make up with her. He told her everything about what happened and that opened Bella to another inhuman touch of reality. Her best friend Jacob is a wolf for they exist because of the vampires. Her Edward and her Jacob couldn’t be friends.

To the extreme of her wanting to Edward, she jumped off the cliff.

Because of Alice’s psychic ability, she was able to see it and told it to Edward.

Though Bella wanted to die at that moment, fate won’t her. Jacob for another time saved her.

On her way home, she was surprised of Alice presence.

Edward, not feeling of living anymore, because he thought Bella, his life, his own was dead, he came to Volturri in Italy. These Volturri were the most gifted, ancient and powerful vampires among their kinds.

Alice with Bella threw themselves in Italy. To the best timing, Bella saved Edward of asking his death from the Volturri.

But its not over, they are all in danger-Alice, Bella and Edward.

Because of Bella’s gift-having no one permeated in her mind, she was able to amaze the Aro-the eldest among the Volturri. He had given them another chance. Bella should become a vampire, and they would check on her.

They safely backed to Forks.

The Cullens decided to make her their kind after the graduation.

Their reconciliation brought so much pain for Jacob.

Bella was hurting too. He loves Jacob as a friend, and a friend won’t make pain for a friend.

Now Bella needs to choose between a vampire a wolf….

ECLIPSE

Bella and Edward reunited. Jacob came into the picture which thrills the story. Bella have to choose.

Victoria made her army-fresh vampires, ready to eat and are hungry of bloods. Because of this, it’s the cause of the continuous murders & crime in the city.

With this, Cullen’s family with the Pack of wolves agreed to take care of Bella and the people in town. Here is the real time to choose to whom Bella will share her life with.

Viltouri on the other hand is looking for Bella’s transformation. They came just right after the fight between Victoria’s army and the cooperation of Cullens and the wolves.

At the end, Bella still chose Edward over Jacob which caused him so much pain that he have to go away.

BREAKING DAWN

It is the last book on the saga. So, as expected, Edward and Bella got married. Then, Bella still human, bore a child. Because of the accidents happened before, the vampires and the pack planned to kill the child. However, Bella didn’t let them.

To protect her, Jacob broke into the pack. He left them with Seth and Leah.

Bella suffered an immeasurable agony. She was to die, when Edward thought that the only thing to keep her alive is his venom. Weeks passed, and finally after that distress she transferred into a proper and well composed vampire.

The baby named Renesmee is really such beautiful child, a half human and vampire one. Nobody expected that Jacob would be imprinted to Renesmee, so he promised to stick with her forever.

On their way hunting, one of the vampires saw Renesmee and told the story to the Volturi.

Alice is alarmed. She saw everything in her vision. She and Jasper went away with the family and other family came to testify before the Volturi.

Almost all the family of vampires came from the different parts of the globe. At first, they do not want to be included nor testify but they allowed Renesmee to touch them and they understand and saw everything.

Voulturi is a great wall to bump on, a very powerful family with each member having the special gifts.

Everyone prepared. Bella discovered her gift, and that is her sheet of protection that could seal them against any perpetrator.

The day came. The Voulturi came. Everyone is ready to fight but hoping not to because of the possibilities of dying. After some talk, after Irina testified she wasn’t sure, she was burned by Airo.

When everything was about to fight for their freedom, Alice and Jasper came with the same kind of life like that of Renesmee who lived hundred of years ago.

Then they it settled the dispute.

The Voulturi went away.

Each family bid goodbye to each other and went their way.

And that ends the story.

A happy ending. ^^

________________

So quotations and detailed narration is obviously absent in my reviews. Meaning my laziness won over my idealistic mind. Hehe…

Plans...

Actually I'm quite lazy to think of appropriate words for my reviews that's why I quit and entertained the new ideas in my cerebral.

I'm planning to have a blog - a complete one - I was inspired by Ma'am Daye, my future professor in Introduction to Law.

I. I decided to have it categories this way. Bookworm-

I. I decided to have it categories this way. Bookworm-wherein I will put on my reviews on books, it would be on this order-Twilight by Stephenie Meyer, John Grisham’s books with no particular order, since it wasn’t a series one; and Harry Potter.

II. Next would be my College Life- 1^st year hindsight comprises of my experiences and the highlight would be my ROTC experience. 2^nd year-same as usual.. 3^rd year-my PSS experience, debate, tagaytay and baguio, etc. 4^th year-my future-let’s wait for it.

III. Leadership section would be highlighting my deepest thoughts about my PSS experience, its struggles and how to overcome such.

IV. Truth-would be about my faith to AMA. I hope this is not an issue, I mean, I would be posting HIM in the net, without HIS permission. Double thinking…

V. Love life- the spice that I think would make it lovely. I would do it in a fictional way so as to protect the characters.. hehe.. since I would like to write romantic novels like that of Nicholas Sparks.

VI. Character-that would be all sided of Careen-my family, friends, everything.

VII. Issues-a worth thinking one. I would like to post my opinion in different important issues local and internationally.

So I do have 7 sections or categories in all. I’m planning to have it finish until my 4^th year. I hope I would.

It also mean my life would be an open book to everyone.. well, not so until I brag it…. Just to express my thoughts I think that would not hurt me that bad…

Sayonara>> ^^

weird dreams

I have been having weird dreams which made me bothered...

I know dreams are just dreams but I can't help myself thinking and thinking and thinking...

I called a friend, it eased a little, then it's back again...

I confronted it, it eased more.

I could control my mind, my emotions...

Better to focus on my thesis...

They stressing me out...

I was sick last thursday.

When we were going to Greenwoods to visit our house, I felt something wrong and when we were there, it started. I had a really bad tummy, I felt cold and my eyes wanted to shut down. I asked my tatay to drive us back.

At home, it all happened. I vomited heavily, it's my first time since I was in elementary. I prayed hard and thanked GOD for healing me and I'm feeling better right now. Looking back, I don't know what was the cause. They said I was "nabalis" but I don't believe in those.

One thing I'm sure, I am stressed out. Why?

It's because of the re validation of Political Science Society (PSS) in Commission of Student Organizations and Accreditations (COSOA). It's been two weeks since we are working with it. We completed all the requirements for the accreditation and what made me problematic? It's because of our Constitution. They wanted us to revise it because it violates provision in the Student Hand Book which expressed "voluntary membership" and "liberty to dress." Our Constitution they said violated it in our provisions in membership and the wearing of uniform. We answered those issues, we presented it through our resolutions. We have spoken to the Chair, we have spoken to the Dean, we made all actions necessary to addressed it.Thank God, we got a positive response from the Dean and hope the Chair somehow open his mind.

We only have 1 week left to process this, 1 week and the PSS will be revalidated! If not, I don't know what other diplomatic ways I will do... I'm praying really hard.

These things don't left me, even in my dreams. I still vividly remember the moment I'm chilling and having a fever, I dreamt of arguing and defending our constitution, our organization and my convictions with them.

I hope this would be a success for the PSS!

Help us GOD!!

I have attached the resolution we made..